Buying more than we really need

 Well, it is that time of year. The time when everyone searches deep into their souls and pulls out lots of non-sustainable resolutions that, generally, affect only their immediate lives.

That sounds pretty cynical, as I just realised...not exactly the squishy, copywritten magazine version.

This new year, one of my goals is to be more conscious of what I use and spend on. This means:

• not buying products with excessive packaging
• buying (and eating) only what is good for my body that it really needs
• refraining from purchasing any clothes for the first six months of the year to see if I can focus on my true style

My close friends are now saying to themselves, "didn't I just see you with a Starbucks in your hand?" or, "what about that renovation you just did?"

The answer is this: the goal is to be more conscious, not change my lifestyle overnight. And also, purchasing things that really add value to my quality of life (i.e. the newly 'renovated' kitchen) definitely are okay! The goal is to improve life quality through purchasing or using quality things that are sustainable.

As I did my bi-monthly closet cleanout today, I realised that a lot of the clothes that I don't wear anymore or as much are mostly because I don't take care of them.

Actually, for women, I think this goes for lots of things: clothes, toiletries, beauty products, accessories, bags, you name it...the minute an item gets dirty or more used than the original condition, we stop using it or chuck it. We are constantly craving for the new.

My vow then, is to take better care of the things that I have already purchased--those end-of-the-day beauty binges at Watson's (come on, ladies, we've all done it!) have left me with more body lotion and facial cleanser than I can use for all of 2010. I bought it for a reason (on impulse or not), so my new resolve is to actually use all of what I have to the fullest.

For clothes, that means discipline. Most of my clothes come out of the washer and onto the drying rack, where they will inevitably sit for days, get covered in Tangie's cat hair, and then be resigned to a crumpled mess of half-foldedness on the bed (or next to it) for a few days until they are put away in drawers or hung up on a plastic hanger from the 'Japan Home' across the street. It's a sad life for most of them.

Damien has been lovely enough to get us an awesome clothes steamer, which I really recommend to everyone. Now, when the clothes are dry I bring them straight to the steamer and get them put away immediately. Then, those cute shirt-dresses (that always seem to be crinkled...) have no reason to stay in my closet - everything that goes in there must be perfectly pressed and ready to pull out at any moment! The idea is that if I care for each and every item that I own, I will feel more inclined to wear it! It's just human nature, right? We want to choose the 'newest' thing to wear because we then feel the most confident.

This makes me think of Peggy Bundy, the Married with Children wife who buys all of her clothes new so she doesn't have to do laundry. Hehe. Although it's dramatised, how many of us think that's the dream situation? We feel at our best when we pamper ourselves with nice things.

  

Above: If what you own is clean and organised, you'll be more compelled to use it. : )

It's this human trait that's gotten us into the 'throwaway' habit that seems to consume most of us. The trips to the coffee places using takeaway cups, the styrofoam packets, the 'This Fashion' (a store selling very cheap-under USD$8 clothing)...everything about society in Singapore (and of course in the USA too!) tells us that it's okay to use and toss. The built-in garbage chute in my kitchen is almost the ultimate convenience--we use, we throw, we forget...

 

Above: By keeping things accessible and easy to see (getting a transparent storage box helps keep dust away and things visible), you can keep all that great jewelry and beauty products in rotation and rediscover your own sense of style!

So, my resolution is not to completely change my life. I am by no means a poster-girl for green living. But, I can (and you can, too) make small changes that make a difference in the coming year. By becoming more aware of the things I can do (and what I'm not doing now), I am immediately changing my mindset and rescripting my own patterns of daily life.

A resolution is not a quick fix--a button you can push for life-transforming results. Good resolutions take time and become forever ingrained in our outlooks and behaviours.

What do you want to resolve to do?

Wishing you a happy (and organised) new year!

Keeping yourself un-crazy during the holidays!

That's right - I said 'un-crazy'. Every year, the holidays are bound to make even the most sane, organised person go at least on the verge of crazy. Therefore, the headline needs to at least include the word 'crazy' so that no false promises are made that you won't at least have to enter the realm of crazy first before you come back to the world of 'un-crazy'.

Phew. I think that disconnected first paragraph pretty much proves I'm on the verge myself. A picture to prove it:

I may look like I'm smiling, but there's definitely a hint of 'going to lose it' somewhere back there. I mean, come on - those dorky glasses? The electrocuted hairdo? All signs point to, "get me on an airplane - and now!"

This year, I really thought I had everything planned out perfectly. I timed my work out so that I could finish my projects just in time to jet of to "Asia's Hawaii" - Hainan Island, China, for our annual 'get the hell off the island' Christmas excursion. I ordered my holiday cards on Halloween so that I would give myself ample time to self-address and stamp every lovingly worded piece of correspondence. I arranged for our tenant to move out so that we could start our renovations with loads of time to spare before Dad's big visit next year. If you talked to me in the beginning of November, I would be telling you about my future life as the Martha Stewart of the Time Management world, for crying out loud!

Even Tangie mocks my mountains of 'to-do's' by perching himself atop my freshly-addressed Christmas cards in a stoic pose. Sorry Boris and Christine, Tangie's butt has been on your holiday greeting.

Somewhere between then and now things got a bit blurry. No, dad, I didn't crack the Bailey's open early this year...things just got BUSY. Now I'm sitting amongst piles of curriculum, 30 unwritten holiday cards, tons of boxes, Damien's clutter (okay, and my own too), a burnt out Christmas tree and, to top it all off...there aren't even any presents under the dead tree...thanks for the reminder, dad!

So how do we avoid this seemingly predestined holiday doom?

1. Promise only half of what you normally would.

I know some people who are really amazing - they are able to be unfailingly honest when it comes to accepting or rejecting potential work or social engagements. They can just say 'no' on a consistent basis and not feel that tinge of guilt. Some people get all the luck (or social conditioning?).

I'm sure I'm not alone when I say I never got that gift. I will always say 'yes', usually without thinking, and mostly because it is part of some internalised script that will no doubt cost me 1000s of $$ in child regression therapy to remove.

I digress....the holidays are actually the PERFECT time to practise this skill. Since most people are just as busy during this time, it is a good way to kindly turn down invitations and extra work with minimal repercussions. Many times, people will actually be relieved to know that you are rejecting their proposal, as it gives them a chance to clear up their own schedules as well.

2. Priortising for dummies

With all of the distractions happening during this time of year, it is the easiest time to forget what our most important tasks are in the first place. This is the time, if any, to get out a big fat permanent marker, two pieces of A4 paper, and list out the TOP 5 things you MUST COMPLETE during the holiday season. Both personal and professional. Stick these suckers on the back and front of your apartment/house door and you have a reminder right away of what needs to get done.

3. Stop beating yourself up - it's the holidays!

By next Christmas, most (if not all) of those things you were 'urgently supposed to do' this year will not have a long-term impact on the big picture. Do what you can and do it with passion and quality. Those unfinished tasks, unwritten emails and missed events will ultimately fill the cracks of life as small grains of sand disappear into pavement.

Take care of yourself first and the rest will follow!

Happy holidays :)

Treating yourself with the respect you deserve

Well, it is almost the end of 2009 - it is finally hitting me! Looking back, I realise that I have accomplished quite a lot of what I wanted this year (erm, learning Mandarin?). I also realise that another year has passed and there have been a lot of things that I could have done to treat myself better over time.

How often have you told yourself, "just one more hour in the office to get this done" and ended up staying well past that time working? Or have you had a small project you've wanted to finish but put it off and off until you will finally have that 'one free afternoon'?

The truth is, that the more we do, the more to-do's we end up with.

I have definitely learned to treat myself with a lot more respect in 2010 - there were many emails that I wanted to send, letters and cards to write, business ideas to work on and photos to develop in 2009 that I just never got to. When I treat myself better next year, I will surely make more time every day to fit these things in until waiting for 'one free chunk' of time.

I am really learning my lesson now, as I near the two year mark in my current apartment. I have really lived with things these last few years that didn't make me happy - a flimsy couch, shoddy kitchen cabinets that practically beckoned ants to come live inside and a generally disorganised space that I just 'put up with' because I kept thinking I didn't know when I would move out.

Well, it turns out that you never can predict what will happen, and my two years will now turn into three as things settle down at work. It wasn't until today, when we finally unwrapped our brand new couch and sat down on its plump cushions did it sink in that I had been depriving myself out of nothing more than fear - the fear of the unknown in the future; not knowing how long I would stay, but more not knowing where I would be going if I didn't.

Now that the catalyst has begun, I know that finding joy in coming home after a long day of work and having a comfortable place to rest is of a huge value to me. It means I am treating myself with the respect I deserve. Whatever this may embody, be it a physical item, action or thought...these small things add value to our quality of life.

Be able to recognise these things that make you happy - and keep on doing them!

Snakes!

Cute project with the kids last Sunday ... a SNAKE! You can make them out of toilet roll and paper fasteners and they are really loads of fun!

What makes a romantic relationship successful?

I just returned from an aptly titled workshop called, The 'Hows' To A Successful Romantic Relationship. For three hours, I listened intently about how to build the "Ideal Relationship" and how healthy relationships are built on good communication and by settling any unresolved issues with our parents.

The whole thing was pretty cut and dry and the presenter didn't really give a whole lot of leeway for us 'normal folks' to get away with the day-to-day nuances of being in a relationship: the small arguments, annoying in-laws and everything else.

Which makes me think about what makes any relationship work in the first place?

Communication - yes, but also a lot of patience and an ability to appreciate and help the other person work towards their goals. What the speaker left out on was the fact that all of those 'speedbumps' such as the small arguments, difficult situations, etc all lead to making the relationship grow. It isn't just about questioning each other on a continual basis to renew the relationship - sometimes relationships are spurred forward (and can be strengthened if dealt with in the right way) by tiffs and confronting issues that come up time and time again.

Only then can we create balance in our relationships.

And an "ideal relationship"? Hmmm...I'm not sold!

www.laurelgrey.org

Feeling safe

I think that there must be something to feeling safe and protected at all times. Example A is to the right.

He truly is king of his own castle...

People are like this too - except we cram ourselves into tiny 3-room HDB flats instead. Actually, piggy could be a lot more comfortable!

www.laurelgrey.org

New reading material for the progressive dork

Douglas Merrill has a new book coming out that truly speaks to my heart: Getting Organized in the Google Era!

I can't wait!

Being at home

What makes a cosy (hygellig for you Scandis), comfortable home to come back to every day?

When I first moved to Singapore, I was anti-attachment all the way. I refused to buy anything that didn't add real purpose to my life - especially if it didn't fit into a box on the way to my new destination.

I changed my tune a bit when I moved over here to Queen Street, opting for traditional Ikea furniture that would last at least a year - so that when I left in a year, I could sell it off, optimising my cash flow like the truly efficient person I am.

People would come to my house six months after I moved in and literally go, "it looks like an Ikea showroom in here!" This left me feeling partially proud of my keen sense of cleanliness, but also partially sad that it was so apparent that I hadn't really "moved" in yet.

And I guess I hadn't physically moved much in, but it was more clear that I definitely hadn't mentally moved into my space.

I have always been the epitome of a "what if" person, prepared for anything. I can't remember a time when I didn't keep a back up tube of toothpaste in the event that I may run out! Nevermind the fact that there's a 7-11 within 100m of my apartment - I just always have to be prepared.

For a long time, this left me with no sense of balance. Wherever I would move, whatever I would do, left me with a stinging lack of fulfilment as I was never truly able to enjoy and live in the moment. It was holding me back in almost every area of my life, this idea, this need to be prepared and ready for whatever was going to happen next.

A few months ago, just before Chinese New Year, I decided enough was enough - bought a feng shui book and totally rearranged my apartment (well, umm, yea Damien moved around his fair share of furniture too...). I left a clear space in the entryway free and got rid of any electronics extra stuff in my bedroom (come on, how many of us lie in bed to use our computers - it is a really bad habit!).

This one clean sweep paved the way for what was to come in the next few months. My newfound awareness for how I wanted to utilise my space, understanding that efficient doesn't necessarily mean "clean", but how well I was using my space, led me to achieve greater awareness in my personal life as well. And slowly, I was able to start accumulating things in my apartment that had meaning (displaying pictures, cards, old paintings). I began to lose the feeling of worry about what would happen in the future and began to enjoy what I had in the present moment.

I think part of what was holding me back before is that I actually have stayed in Singapore longer than I initially thought I would; and that idea of not doing what I had set my mind out to (i.e. moving to a new country after living here), was a bit of a failure to myself. By allowing myself the luxury of feeling at home here, I no longer feel that sense of urgency to keep moving on, and am able to understand that I have a greater purpose and potential to fulfil while I am here. Don't confuse this with the typical label of, "it was meant to happen this way," because I don't believe that things 'happen' to me. It is more of a conscious effort to set more goals for myself.

So back to the idea of home. This thought is spurred on today because it is an absolutely beautiful Friday afternoon here on Queen Street. Not humid at all, but a crisp, warm day with a great breeze. The reason I am enjoying it so much is because I am lucky enough to be able to do my work from home if I choose.

I recently built myself my own home office (thank you Isabel for the most recent addition to it!) and am happier than ever to have my own 'nook' to settle into when it's time to do work, send personal emails or catch up on my favourite activity: scanning! Who needs that old paper, anyway?

Being surrounded by my favourite photos and keepsakes is really a blessing, and never fails to get my creative juices flowing.

Just a few steps away, Tangie loves to stretch himself out on the balcony and enjoy the nice afternoon sun. Something he can't do when I am working from the office. It's important to feel like your home is not only comfortable to you, but to the people (or cats) you share it with - by respecting your own comfort level and living in a way that makes you happy, you are in fact creating the space to allow more positive people into your life. The space you create, just like the way you act towards others, is a physical manifestation of yourself. So get happy now and start enjoying your space!

Happy Deepavali weekend!

www.laurelgrey.org

Christmas Card Season is Looming!

Note: oops gave the wrong link earlier!

* * *

It's that season (almost) to start thinking about making/ordering your Christmas cards.

I'll be ordering from www.gift.org.sg. They have good prices, nice designs and the organisation doing this is These Abled People, which gives jobs to the disabled in Singapore.

Christmas card season - my favourite time of year! Send me a message if you'd like to get a card this year :)

www.laurelgrey.org

Trading in the big $$ for job flexibility and enjoyment

Time recently published a great article called Finding a New Boom Amid the Bust. Depending on your perspective, the recession can be a great opportunity to follow your true passion with rising competition for higher salary jobs. According to the article:

"Workers who are elated to simply have a job aren't squawking about money, and according to a Randstad survey, they now name job security and benefits among the top factors in their happiness...and some at least are happy to trade a big salary for work with meaning and which allows for a better work/life balance, so long as the bills still get paid."

What's a bit odd about this is that it implies that the recession instigated the changing mindset about what defines 'job satisfaction.' I guess, for change to happen, their must be a catalyst of some sort - although it is a bit sad that an en masse revelation like this requires such a huge economic downturn to spur it on.

I can really take this article to heart, as I recently faced a similar situation with my job. Although not motivated by the poor economy in Singapore to start searching for new work, I was driven by a strong feeling that I couldn't continue to do a job that had me facing a computer 8 - 10 hours a day. It reached a point as drastic as getting a pink slip on your desk one morning, and the time came when I knew I needed a change or my sanity would be at stake.

When deciding to take on a new role (in a different field), I was faced with re-evaluating my priorities; something I didn't have the luxury of doing when moving to Singapore for my other job. The same is true for many Americans in the US on the job hunt this past year - what many finally got was the chance to step back and think about what their ideal job looks like.

For me, that includes:

• flexible hours
• ability to exercise in the morning (without getting up at 6am)
• job responsibilities that challenge my many interests and frequently change
• opportunities for training and professional development
• 50% of my time spent interacting with people
• opportunities for travel

Nowhere on my list did, "make boatloads of money," come up. As with all things in life, there must be balance, and the list above is quite the tall order.

The items on this "wish list" are more about personal satisfaction and a lot less about stuff.

In the few months leading up to snagging this new job, I reflected on this list a lot. I imagined in my head what this new job would look like. I imagined getting up every day with a sense of excitement and passion. I imagined myself working from home on some days and heading into the office on others - working independently and at my own speed.

Although I didn't know exactly what kind of job I wanted, I darn well knew what I would look like doing this job. And surprisingly (to myself, at least, but probably not to guru Stephen Covey of course), it slowly became clear over the course of a few months that teaching could offer me most of those things. And actually, in some way, all of my past jobs had an element of teaching/training/helping and leading others at its core.

As Viktor Frankl said, "We don't invent our mission; we detect it. It's within us waiting to be realized."

That's the beauty in situations that we have no control over - whether they be economic or otherwise - it is only when we are disrupted from our usual routines that we are forced to reflect, and ultimately detect, those inner desires that have been on low flame waiting to be turned up.

Check out the article, seriously - there are some good job profiles and overall, it is written in an interesting way.

www.laurelgrey.org