Snakes!

Cute project with the kids last Sunday ... a SNAKE! You can make them out of toilet roll and paper fasteners and they are really loads of fun!

What makes a romantic relationship successful?

I just returned from an aptly titled workshop called, The 'Hows' To A Successful Romantic Relationship. For three hours, I listened intently about how to build the "Ideal Relationship" and how healthy relationships are built on good communication and by settling any unresolved issues with our parents.

The whole thing was pretty cut and dry and the presenter didn't really give a whole lot of leeway for us 'normal folks' to get away with the day-to-day nuances of being in a relationship: the small arguments, annoying in-laws and everything else.

Which makes me think about what makes any relationship work in the first place?

Communication - yes, but also a lot of patience and an ability to appreciate and help the other person work towards their goals. What the speaker left out on was the fact that all of those 'speedbumps' such as the small arguments, difficult situations, etc all lead to making the relationship grow. It isn't just about questioning each other on a continual basis to renew the relationship - sometimes relationships are spurred forward (and can be strengthened if dealt with in the right way) by tiffs and confronting issues that come up time and time again.

Only then can we create balance in our relationships.

And an "ideal relationship"? Hmmm...I'm not sold!

www.laurelgrey.org

Feeling safe

I think that there must be something to feeling safe and protected at all times. Example A is to the right.

He truly is king of his own castle...

People are like this too - except we cram ourselves into tiny 3-room HDB flats instead. Actually, piggy could be a lot more comfortable!

www.laurelgrey.org

New reading material for the progressive dork

Douglas Merrill has a new book coming out that truly speaks to my heart: Getting Organized in the Google Era!

I can't wait!

Being at home

What makes a cosy (hygellig for you Scandis), comfortable home to come back to every day?

When I first moved to Singapore, I was anti-attachment all the way. I refused to buy anything that didn't add real purpose to my life - especially if it didn't fit into a box on the way to my new destination.

I changed my tune a bit when I moved over here to Queen Street, opting for traditional Ikea furniture that would last at least a year - so that when I left in a year, I could sell it off, optimising my cash flow like the truly efficient person I am.

People would come to my house six months after I moved in and literally go, "it looks like an Ikea showroom in here!" This left me feeling partially proud of my keen sense of cleanliness, but also partially sad that it was so apparent that I hadn't really "moved" in yet.

And I guess I hadn't physically moved much in, but it was more clear that I definitely hadn't mentally moved into my space.

I have always been the epitome of a "what if" person, prepared for anything. I can't remember a time when I didn't keep a back up tube of toothpaste in the event that I may run out! Nevermind the fact that there's a 7-11 within 100m of my apartment - I just always have to be prepared.

For a long time, this left me with no sense of balance. Wherever I would move, whatever I would do, left me with a stinging lack of fulfilment as I was never truly able to enjoy and live in the moment. It was holding me back in almost every area of my life, this idea, this need to be prepared and ready for whatever was going to happen next.

A few months ago, just before Chinese New Year, I decided enough was enough - bought a feng shui book and totally rearranged my apartment (well, umm, yea Damien moved around his fair share of furniture too...). I left a clear space in the entryway free and got rid of any electronics extra stuff in my bedroom (come on, how many of us lie in bed to use our computers - it is a really bad habit!).

This one clean sweep paved the way for what was to come in the next few months. My newfound awareness for how I wanted to utilise my space, understanding that efficient doesn't necessarily mean "clean", but how well I was using my space, led me to achieve greater awareness in my personal life as well. And slowly, I was able to start accumulating things in my apartment that had meaning (displaying pictures, cards, old paintings). I began to lose the feeling of worry about what would happen in the future and began to enjoy what I had in the present moment.

I think part of what was holding me back before is that I actually have stayed in Singapore longer than I initially thought I would; and that idea of not doing what I had set my mind out to (i.e. moving to a new country after living here), was a bit of a failure to myself. By allowing myself the luxury of feeling at home here, I no longer feel that sense of urgency to keep moving on, and am able to understand that I have a greater purpose and potential to fulfil while I am here. Don't confuse this with the typical label of, "it was meant to happen this way," because I don't believe that things 'happen' to me. It is more of a conscious effort to set more goals for myself.

So back to the idea of home. This thought is spurred on today because it is an absolutely beautiful Friday afternoon here on Queen Street. Not humid at all, but a crisp, warm day with a great breeze. The reason I am enjoying it so much is because I am lucky enough to be able to do my work from home if I choose.

I recently built myself my own home office (thank you Isabel for the most recent addition to it!) and am happier than ever to have my own 'nook' to settle into when it's time to do work, send personal emails or catch up on my favourite activity: scanning! Who needs that old paper, anyway?

Being surrounded by my favourite photos and keepsakes is really a blessing, and never fails to get my creative juices flowing.

Just a few steps away, Tangie loves to stretch himself out on the balcony and enjoy the nice afternoon sun. Something he can't do when I am working from the office. It's important to feel like your home is not only comfortable to you, but to the people (or cats) you share it with - by respecting your own comfort level and living in a way that makes you happy, you are in fact creating the space to allow more positive people into your life. The space you create, just like the way you act towards others, is a physical manifestation of yourself. So get happy now and start enjoying your space!

Happy Deepavali weekend!

www.laurelgrey.org

Christmas Card Season is Looming!

Note: oops gave the wrong link earlier!

* * *

It's that season (almost) to start thinking about making/ordering your Christmas cards.

I'll be ordering from www.gift.org.sg. They have good prices, nice designs and the organisation doing this is These Abled People, which gives jobs to the disabled in Singapore.

Christmas card season - my favourite time of year! Send me a message if you'd like to get a card this year :)

www.laurelgrey.org

Trading in the big $$ for job flexibility and enjoyment

Time recently published a great article called Finding a New Boom Amid the Bust. Depending on your perspective, the recession can be a great opportunity to follow your true passion with rising competition for higher salary jobs. According to the article:

"Workers who are elated to simply have a job aren't squawking about money, and according to a Randstad survey, they now name job security and benefits among the top factors in their happiness...and some at least are happy to trade a big salary for work with meaning and which allows for a better work/life balance, so long as the bills still get paid."

What's a bit odd about this is that it implies that the recession instigated the changing mindset about what defines 'job satisfaction.' I guess, for change to happen, their must be a catalyst of some sort - although it is a bit sad that an en masse revelation like this requires such a huge economic downturn to spur it on.

I can really take this article to heart, as I recently faced a similar situation with my job. Although not motivated by the poor economy in Singapore to start searching for new work, I was driven by a strong feeling that I couldn't continue to do a job that had me facing a computer 8 - 10 hours a day. It reached a point as drastic as getting a pink slip on your desk one morning, and the time came when I knew I needed a change or my sanity would be at stake.

When deciding to take on a new role (in a different field), I was faced with re-evaluating my priorities; something I didn't have the luxury of doing when moving to Singapore for my other job. The same is true for many Americans in the US on the job hunt this past year - what many finally got was the chance to step back and think about what their ideal job looks like.

For me, that includes:

• flexible hours
• ability to exercise in the morning (without getting up at 6am)
• job responsibilities that challenge my many interests and frequently change
• opportunities for training and professional development
• 50% of my time spent interacting with people
• opportunities for travel

Nowhere on my list did, "make boatloads of money," come up. As with all things in life, there must be balance, and the list above is quite the tall order.

The items on this "wish list" are more about personal satisfaction and a lot less about stuff.

In the few months leading up to snagging this new job, I reflected on this list a lot. I imagined in my head what this new job would look like. I imagined getting up every day with a sense of excitement and passion. I imagined myself working from home on some days and heading into the office on others - working independently and at my own speed.

Although I didn't know exactly what kind of job I wanted, I darn well knew what I would look like doing this job. And surprisingly (to myself, at least, but probably not to guru Stephen Covey of course), it slowly became clear over the course of a few months that teaching could offer me most of those things. And actually, in some way, all of my past jobs had an element of teaching/training/helping and leading others at its core.

As Viktor Frankl said, "We don't invent our mission; we detect it. It's within us waiting to be realized."

That's the beauty in situations that we have no control over - whether they be economic or otherwise - it is only when we are disrupted from our usual routines that we are forced to reflect, and ultimately detect, those inner desires that have been on low flame waiting to be turned up.

Check out the article, seriously - there are some good job profiles and overall, it is written in an interesting way.

www.laurelgrey.org

Anyone looking for a dentist?

I recommend Dr Rashmi from Greenlife Dental Clinic:

Blk 14 Beach Road
#01-4661
S (190014)
Tel - 6299 3556

I love word of mouth marketing - almost as much as I love getting my teeth cleaned (which is a lot). Dr Rashmi is pretty much the nicest dentist you will ever find (she's only 29 also! amazing) and she makes the whole dental experience a true joy.

Happy dental hygiene!

Getting in the coaching game

"The connections we have, our own mental maps, can strongly influence the reality we see, often more than the inputs themselves."

- Jeffrey Schwartz, Scientist and Author of The Mind and the Brain

As I am preparing to get ACTP certified in the next year, I am finally beginning the seemingly endless journey into the world of coaching and the many levels of neuroscience, brain-based learning and all the rest underneath.

In fact, I am really just beginning to scratch the surface.

It does seem, though, that what all of this "stuff" (if you like to refer to quantum physics as "stuff" like I apparently do) seems to be doing is creating explanations for our, sometimes unusual, human behaviour and reactions to others.

Take, for example, the quotation above, which is something I am pretty sure we are all aware of, but find difficult to actually explain. It's happened to me a hundred times - I'm reading a book, I come across a word I don't know and am relegated to the online dictionary to decipher the meaning. Within 24 hours I will, more often than not, hear this word again on TV, on the street, from a friend, or read it again in a newspaper or magazine in a totally different context.

I have always had this sort of hunch that the new "connection" being made in my brain was so fresh or prevalent that I somehow became hypersensitive to it, but honestly I had never thought too much about it until recently.

What coaching is all about is helping others improve. This desire and drive, I believe, is not something that can be learned, it is burned somehow deep inside all of us and rises to the surface in many different ways for many different people.

There is an extra layer that an effective coach (or anyone that deals with people in his or her job really) needs - and that is an understanding of why people think and behave the way they do.

This journey for me begins with a newfound awareness of what I will need to do to achieve my ACTP certification - that means a lot more research, a lot more observation, and a lot more experience is necessary for me in the coming months.

I am looking forward to the challenge!

• Find out more information about coaching: http://www.coachfederation.org
• The inspiration for this post is due to a free paper that can be downloaded from http://www.davidrock.com, written by none other than David Rock, who is the founder of Results Coaches.
• Visit results coaches Singapore online - http://www.resultscoaches.com/

http://www.laurelgrey.org

Letting emotions come and go

During my Hot Flow yoga class today I had a new teacher; it is always interesting getting someone new in the studio because I never know what to expect. After being with this studio, Pure Yoga, for two years, I have already established my "favourite instructors" and am always a bit reluctant to change out.

I was reminded today, however, the impact of a fresh perspective and how meaningful something someone says can be when delivered at the right moment. You can give people all the advice in the world, but unless they can link that advice back to their own lives even the most compelling words can be lost.

Greg, the new instructor, is exceptionally articulate and gave a great class that left me even sweatier than usual (and this Ang Mo gets really sweaty). I think we were very serious or something, because he kept pointing out that we should smile more and enjoy ourselves. He said, "when you push yourselves, some of you get a really horrible look on your faces! Remember that how you approach a challenge in yoga class is often how you approach tough things in real life. If you're the type to complain about an extra five seconds of a difficult pose, you will tend to deal with challenges in every day life the same."

This comment really snapped me into reality, as I have been practicing yoga for three years now and have never related my practice back to how I deal with life in the real world. Quite honestly, I had always looked at yoga, until today, as something to keep me in shape and calm(er) than normal. It wasn't until I saw myself with a scrunched up face in the mirror and heard the negative thoughts of, "ahhh when is this going to end???" that it clicked that this was how I deal with things!

It is so often that I find myself wishing my way out of situations that I look for quick fixes instead of getting down and dirty and looking at why or how I got myself into a tough situation in the first place. I feel thankful that I am now more aware of this, because, as Greg sais, "the yoga mat is the perfect place to work out those issues!"

He also followed up at the end of the class by pointing out that we should take note of those negative things that we say to ourselves as we are doing postures that tend to be more challenging than others. For me, it is the forward bends! By putting ourselves in the mindset that a pose is going to be challenging, we allow ourselves to feel anxiety towards what we are doing, he noted. And when we have a negative emotion (i.e. "I can't stretch my hands all the way to the bottom of my feet in a standing forward bend - I ain't no Asian I'm an inflexible Caucasian!"), it can stay with us throughout the entire class.

A simple shift in our emotions and letting that thought go by being aware that you want to focus on something more positive is all it takes to improve and turn a bad pose into an improving pose.

The same is true in everyday life. All it takes sometimes is one bad thing to happen (i.e. Tangie scratching up my new wallet...ahem) for us to get in a funk. Just being aware of this bad emotion and focusing on something positive or telling yourself something good right after we feel a bad emotion can balance us back out and push us into a more positive mindset.

I tell this kind of stuff to my kids every day during the Success Coaching Programme training that I have been doing at work. Funny how this particular lesson didn't click with me until now... all it takes hearing something from the right person at the right time. Thanks Greg - I'll be going back for your classes!

www.laurelgrey.org

Making the most of your time: Emails

In my previous post on de-cluttering your life and goal setting, I left out an important piece of the equation. This is admittedly a key piece, and one rule to live by: If you can do something in under two minutes, do it right away.

Many of us find it very difficult to once and for all heave that wretched habit of procrastination, especially as today's online world of instantaneous replies and ease of transmitting documents and data allows for us to meet deadlines down to the last second.

How many of us, for example, have a Gmail account chock-full of un-archived mails (i.e. unread count 1000+) and have left communication with our friends and family who are far away, or in my case across the world entirely, for months and months?

For this e-crastination, as I like to refer to it, it is really best to review personal emails only twice per day. For me, this means:

• Once before I go to bed - I use this time to label all of my incoming mails, delete any newsletters that aren't worth reading and flag anything for follow-up. Any mails that I can answer in a few sentences I will do at this time.
• Once in the morning, right when I wake up - since I am freshest at this time, I am also my most articulate and find it easier to pen those lengthy emails to friends and family who really deserve my attention and quality updates.

There are some really handy tips that I recommend for you Gmail users to help prevent being inundated with loads of JUNK in your inbox.

• Learn to love the "Archive" button - once you have followed up on an email to-do or long catch up letter to a good friend, nothing is more satisfying than clicking that "Archive" button and feeling that you have accomplished something! Gmail has a handy new feature called "Move to" which allows you to both label and archive your mails in one foul swoop.
• Colour coordinate your labels - this is my most favourite feature! Click into Google Labs and enable the multi-coloured label feature. I like to coordinate all of my Financials/Commerce Labels in Green, my Family, Friends, Trip Planning, Professional Organizations, etc. all in different colours for each. Using bold colours (ie bold background and white text) for the labels helps me to see each label clearly.
• Superstar it up - again, go into the Labs part of Gmail and enable your superstars. Create your own "system" - i.e. Red ! means that you must follow up within one day. Maybe a purple star means that you have to wait for a reply to respond. It doesn't matter, just make sure the colours make sense to you; we all have our own associations.
• Delete your spam, trash and update contacts once a week - Doing housekeeping once a week to key in new contacts, sort through your existing contacts to delete duplicates and getting rid of spam and trash once a week are essential to making the most of your time online. This is the perfect amount of time so that you can legitimately scan through spam and trash before permanently deleting any messages you actually needed.

By developing good habits that we can maintain on a daily and weekly basis with our incoming emails, we are able to focus on those emails that are a priority and leave those that need more attention for a time when we can really give our focus.

Of course, this raises the question, "what do I do with all of my old 1000000+++ emails in my inbox that I never sorted through before?"

The key here is to do a 7-day E-TOX! It is up to you to go through in any way that makes sense, but here are some possible tasks you can do each day to help clear out that ooooold e-clutter!

• Settle your most common labels - create labels and colour systems of your most commonly used labels and get them set - this will help give direction to the process if you can clear out a mass of old mails first.
• Unsubscribe once and for all to those newsletters! - go through as many newsletters that you can find that you don't want and go in and unsubscribe in the actual body of the newsletter (most reputable ones should have a link at the bottom). Then do a Gmail search and find all of those newsletters and just delete all of the ones you can find!
• Haven't labelled old messages but have read and responded to them? - do a keyword search for a person you typically email with. Then do a "select all" and a "move to" for these mails, one batch at a time.
• Have other Yahoo! and miscellaneous addresses? - if you haven't done so already, convert to one address. I recommend Gmail. You can now go into your settings and import your mails from other accounts and actually send using the same alias! This is an awesome new feature. Once you can get all of your contacts in Gmail, send out a brief email to all of your contacts letting them know what address to use. This will reduce the amount of mail coming in from your other miscellaneous accounts.

Whew, this turned into really a Part I of "Making the most of your time". I guess I will need to continue this series with more instalments in the future. Keep a look out!

www.laurelgrey.org

Organising to make more room in your life

As I am relaxing on a Saturday night (a work night for me!) with a nice glass of red wine and Tangie curled up at my feet, I have a second or two to look around and reflect on all that I have been able to accomplish lately with my 'renewed' perspective on time management and organisation.

Just tonight, in the last hour alone, I:
- Finally signed up for a professional organisation I have been wanting to join
- Framed some pictures I have been meaning to for awhile
- Uploaded some awesome new (err old) pictures to Facebook [see above - Mom and I!]
- Prepared my lessons for tomorrow's classes
- Emailed out "hello" messages to some new business contacts
- Researched some revenue options for my new business venture...

I am astounded with where the physical and mental space for me to finally get all of these tasks done has come from. Just a few weeks ago, I was sitting underneath piles of paper, disorganised stuff and a bad habit for procrastination. I finally took a day, turned off my cell phone, and had a heart to heart with myself about why I was (a) holding onto all of the old stuff, and (b) pushing things back further and further until they became obsolete.

What came out of that discussion, although a bit fuzzy, was a bit of fear that without any excuses to hide behind there wouldn't be anything stopping me from reaching the things that I truly want in life.

What I ultimately did was clear out 90% of my old papers, around 40% of my wardrobe and I actually sat down and made a mind map of what my goals are for each aspect of my life (current job, professional development, new businesses, financials, family, friends, yoga, etc...). Sure, it took me about two full days to do this, but what has happened since has cleared the path for me to move in the direction of those goals.

It's amazing that the things that have long-cluttered my to-do list have been melting away these past few weeks. It isn't just that the stacks of "stuff" on my desk have been eliminated. The mental clutter had become overwhelming and I had really started to lose track of what the important things were. And of course, how could I have known what the important things are if I hadn't set a direction?

When I talk about goal setting for my job, it is often, "What score do you want to get on your year-end exams?" as my main audience are primary and early secondary school students. After asking them the same question week after week, it finally dawned on me that I was losing sight of what my goals were for myself. The point is, that any age, we can set short-term and long-term goals that are perfectly achievable if we just give it a bit of thought.

I'll boldly share a few here for the purpose of explanation and also mental confirmation on my own part:

• To become certified as a professional coach by mid-2010
• To get an article published in a Singapore magazine (i.e. Shape) by 2010
• To successfully launch a professional organization company and log 50 hours towards my NATO certification in 2010
• Make more time for Yoga and go 3 times per week
• Fully utilise my 2010 public holidays and go on at least 5 trips!

The trick here is really setting specific, measurable goals that really ignite a spark in you when you write/type them down. There is no sense in writing, "to go to the gym 6 days a week" if it immediately feels daunting to you. It is too often that we put too much pressure on ourselves for the sake of "doing it all at once." The whole idea of setting a goal is that it is achievable and can lead to other, more advanced goals in the future. The whole process is organic and goal setting should be constantly revised on a weekly or monthly basis as you progress.

As I have made goal setting a "routine" in my life these past few weeks, I have noticed how much easier it is to get done those mundane things that I easily could have procrastinated on before. With a greater purpose comes greater ease in accomplishing those minor things.

This increased purpose and organisation in my life has made room for all of those things I truly love and enjoy. Quite the blessing!

If you are interested in some great Mind Mapping software for the Mac, check out http://www.mindnode.com.

www.laurelgrey.org

Donate Safely to the Red Cross for the Philippines

You can now DONATE through your UOB Online Banking directly to the Red Cross Singapore. I urge you to do so now, it is a small thing to do along with paying your bills this month!

Ontological Coaching

What the heck is ontological coaching all about?

I found out the other night at my first ICF meeting - I also did a bit of reading up in my spare time. Basically, it is, "about coaching a way of being, as a means of producing major shifts in perception and behavior through all aspects of communication."

We learned a bit about how an awareness on the part of the coach can create HUGE changes in perception and awareness in our coachees. Pretty interesting. I liked the underlying categorisation of "resigned" and "driven" as underlying mood sets. Had never thought about that before.

Brings me back back to the idea that awareness is the key to it all - you just have to know you want something and it becomes possible.

www.laurelgrey.org